i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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