the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
