My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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