I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
