just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
