His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
