just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
