This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
