Betty ford says i'm here all night
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
