She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
