You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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