Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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