We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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