i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
