oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
