remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
