you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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