yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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