are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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