I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
