trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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