found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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