Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Congratulations! We have a period
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
