Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Randomize
