Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
