Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Come on in and take your pants off
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
