My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
