dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
