It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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