And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
