If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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