I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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