I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
