Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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