I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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