If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
