I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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