Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
