I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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