the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
