Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
