fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
