i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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