Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
