Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
