Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
