i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
