She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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