I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Your penis caused this!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
