My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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