Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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