My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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