Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
