btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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