He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
