on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
